Such a coward!

It has been a few times that I see him at the fitness club, on Thursday (running on the treadmill or at the assisted-muscle-building section) and on Saturday in the muscle-building room (when I go to the Body Pump class that is just next to it).

Last Thursday, I was working on a back-muscle machine - and during each little breaks between each series, I chill, I look around - I looked in the lateral mirror and I saw him on the treadmill and thought "oohh he is here!!!" and kept turning over and looking in the mirror, again and again.

-I know nothing about him but he looks fiiine, is tall, dresses well (at least to train, hey, it counts, some dudes dress badly at the fitness club) and... is sportive! lol One of my "must be" criteria -

When I changed machine, I looked towards the treadmills but, he was gone! Such short time again! So I thought, "you should go and talk to him some day"... yeah right! Like if I was the kind of girl to do that. Never happened! Too shy But hey, what could happen if I wait for something... to happen.

I talked about the cute-guy-from-the-fitness-club to a friend and she said "Go and talk to him!". Easy to say, I am not the kind of person to make first move with someone I don't know, even on dating sites, I never send emails because I never know what to write

So yesterday evening I thought about what I could say to approach him, thought about some lame sentences and then thought, the guy is going to wonder where I come from, who I am, what I want from him, and what could I possibly say to a stranger running on a treadmill to start the conversation and risk to disturb him but also get a "not interested" answer straight away.

I finally decided to take a piece of paper, write my cellphone number, name and a lame sentence such as "to maybe go and have a drink...". OMG, I was so laughing once I wrote that, I have NO IDEA what to say, what to do, so next time I see him I am going to (try to) give him the magic note and say something like "I am lame at doing this" and see what happens.

Then I thought, when what if he accepts and he finally turns out to be a jerk... damn...
Anyway, first, I will see if I even dare to do any first step.

There is another guy (hey, I have been single for almost a year and need a man to move one! ), he is one of the receptionists, good looking too. I was working on other muscle-building machines and saw him walk by to the emergency exit wearing a moto jacket and moto boots (a moto rider?! another "must be" criteria lol) and saw him come back after a few minutes (smelling cigarette, a "must not be criteria"). Then, one of the coaches walked by the same exit wearing a moto jacket and a helmet and coming back few minutes later also, so I thought, hey, here is an excuse to make first step and talk to the receptionist saying something about a secret moto parking spot or anything related to moto (female moto riders generally interest guys and especially riders ), then I don't know, but, at least, it would be a way to start a conversation.

So when I was leaving, I arrived at the counter, they were four men talking (including the two moto riders). I said my name with a nice smile, he did not hear with the loud music and people shouting, so I repeated it, and he handed me my member card in exchange of the towel with a nice smile, I said "thanks, have a nice weekend" and... I walked out. Such a coward! Next chance is Tuesday (if any of them is there).

It was a year ago

Last weekend, my mind was all about him. Fortunately, I had a busy wedding weekend and it went well.

but last night, for the second time within a few days, I dreamed about him and again, it was a getting-back-together oriented dream... like if I needed this.

My mind and my heart is still upside down, I still have not succeeded to forget him and about our short but so nice time together last year and so, indeed, it was a year ago that we met. I was worried about that moment to come but it has come.

I have not have any news or contact since he came to my place last September, he was all "yes, let's keep in touch, keep me posted about your new job" (I was a buyer assistant at that moment), etc. But nothing happened and he totally stopped any contacts with me. I do not know if he is still dating his girl and what is new about him and am dying to have news about him. I am still in touch with a friend and colleague of him but have not seen him since D. broke up with me because I had understood he was not against dating me and it scared me but now, curiosity is too big and I am thinking about asking J. to have a drink some time just to have subtly news about D.

Each time I wake up from these dreams, I am overwhelmed and sad and scared and nostalgic... For the past months, I said that I needed time to get over D. and be ready for a new relationship but each time I am thinking about a new man in my life I cannot help it but think that he will not be enough D. like, I am so pitiful and sad and scared and nostalgic... I have let my profile on the two dating Websites I used to be one but I rarely go there, I wait for emails and delete them instantly because guys are not interesting (and not D. enough), when I run a research ones in a while, I can even find a guy to who send an email within about a hundred of them.

So I wait for a normal encounter but most of my friends are married, in a relationship and friends of my friends are also in relationships, have set up house with their partner, etc. I do not make new encounters at work where there are only women, the fitness club? well people are, as I am, focused on their training and I would be too shy to go and talk to a handsome guy not know if he is available or what, I do not go out because I am out of money and my friends are all busy with their family, partner or anything else, so elsewhere? well, where?

I stopped believing there are free nice guys out there for me anymore, it is too late. And to make it all easier, I am a so selective person and I have become even more careful about guys. Something weird happened at my friend's wedding last Saturday, I met the partner of a University pal, a kind girl I know from University but do not hang out with, I had never seen him before, guess what is name was, D.... and he was kind of looking a little like him and I could not stop looking at him all the evening, what a sad girl...

In some way, I still think about him but also wish I could have a new man in my life to go on and have a life that means something, I miss all the couple things, even the simplest ones, I miss tenderness, I miss love.

Thursday it ends.

Here it is, this is my last week of work.

Due to various reasons, I will be out of work at the end of this week.

The tests I was scheduled to take for the dream job on early May are postponned till the end of May or early June because of some personnal problems.

Indeed, I will take advantage of this free time to go as I want to the fitness club but will also try to find some temp work or hosting missions till then at least.

The bad news are that at the same time I lose this job, the government help I was receiving since last April, will be reduced from May till July because I have worked since January and files are reviewed every three-month. BAD TIMING!

It is going to be even harder that it already was, just spend money on rent, bills and grocery. No any luxuary, for now.

Right now, I am kind of stressed about that situation but also kind of relieved because the job was becoming a pain in the a**. I am so eager to be at the end of this week and be done with that and be able to go on a new path, but which one?

Yes, I can!

Since I registered to this other fitness club two weeks ago, I had not had the time to take an appointment with a coach to adapt the program that had been made for me by a coach of my fitness club (that closed for unpaid rents) to the muscle-building machines there.

Leaving work at 6pm, I arrived there at 6:45pm on time for whether Body Pump, Body Attack or Aqua Slim, what only left me the possibility to attend the Body Attack course that does not require any equipment preparation or swimsuit. This a 100% cardio course! It gives you a great energy! I was meeting Philippe, the coach, at 8pm at the end of the course. When I saw him arriving, I puzzled by his physical appearance, bold, all muscle-build on the upper part of his body, with big arms and everything, with muscled but thin shaved legs and big colored tatoo on his left arm... and a strong voice!

The appointment was really worth it, he talked a lot about food, where to find proteins - because you strongly need them when you are working on muscle building your body - what to avoid, etc. Advice that had never been given to me and then he showed me how to use all the machines I would need for my personal training. It lasted about 45 minutes!

The girl coach I had met at my former fitness club had just given me some advice about 3 machines. He explained me how to use between 10 to 15 machines (apart from the cardio ones)! He took my email address and later in the evening, sent me my personal training program with advice notes about muscle-building, diet, etc. and assured me that, if I follow this program, I will have the results expected and be ready for the big day. I hope so!

Finally, going to thisa new fitness club has some advantages, I will maybe be better prepared with this program, he sensed my motivation (good!) and that I was surely the kind of girl that could do it! That is a nice thing to hear.

The only incovenient of this special diet is that for the month to come I will have to eat again chicken, I do not like that but I will need that source of protein (I am absolutely not going to eat again any other kind of meat!), eat lots and lots of eggs, almost every day, prefer five meals to the regular three and be sure to have proteins in each one. Well, let's go!

Xena welcomes Kiwi!

Long-awaited for more than a year, here she is!!! My first vehicle and my first moto!

As I said in a previous post, this is kind of a purchase that costs (a lot) but, what is the use of savings if keeping them in your accounts...

On Friday, I went to see it at the moto dealer, loved it, it is a second-hand but has been almost completely repaired after an accident. So, she is kind of brand new! And I like the digital mileage so you know exactly your speed (damn radars!) but it also provides you the time! How convenient because while driving a motorcycle, you cannot really look at your watch, can you?! lol

I let a deposit and came back to take her yesterday afternoon with a moto pal because I did not want to drive by myself for the first time after so long. All the administrative paperwork took an hour and a half but then it was finally time for me to leave with my new friend!

All the reflexes came back instantly! I was not very comfortable with the trafic and the assholes than do not care about you but I will practice and drive more in the city trafic to get used to it again, we took the périphérique and then a little part of the motorway, drove until St Germain en Laye, stopped on the way back to my town for me to put gas in the moto and then my moto pal left me to head back to where he leaves and I went home too, parked the moto on its private parking place and walked the few meters to go home.

I had forgotten that people often turn their head when they realize your a girl riding a motorcycle or wearing moto outfit and helmet! lol

I am eager to take my little friend out again!