Happy 14th February!

One of my fellow bloggers was noticing that it was her first Valentine's Day as a single person.

Getting older, I have been caring less and less about that celebration. Who should care?


I think that, since I have been dating, twelve years ago, I have only been in a couple the three years I was dating that Greek guy from University. And we did not want to do anything special on that day because we thought it was kind of lame. For me, 14th of February is just one of my nieces' birthday.

But, you can't not be aware of Valentine's Day, it is in lingerie, jewelry, clothes shop windows. But also on traveling Websites and many other kind of on line shops, in magazines, beauty institutes, even fitness clubs - "Get a discount if you come and join us with your spouse" and what if I am single, I don't get the discount??...

No offense for the ones who like Valentine's Day but it is kind of a crappy-commercial-and-marketing-only feast. If, when you are in love, you wait for that special day to offer a gift to your loved one, be nice, go out, buy flowers, dress well and tell your love... what a pity and what a waste. One should celebrate love every day or at least, when one wants Everyday little attentions are so much nicer and unexpected!

Creating a day for lovers is also kind of selfish, it is like if there was the day of rich or handsome people. Well, sorry, but if you are poor or ugly, you don't get to celebrating. You will say, so Mothers and Fathers day is also stupid? Well, if we go in that direction, yes, can you imagine the pain of every woman who dream to become a mom and cannot be one on Mothers Day...

So, yes, go one and celebrate love with all the lovers on earth, nothing is wrong about that, but what is the deep meaning of such special days? Buy, spend money... marketing goal. Be master of your life!

This weekend, I am at my mom's, in my former town, her and her partner are out for dinner for Valentine's Day. She bought me sushi because she knows I like them, they are just in shaped heart plastic box... *sight*

New address

Lately, I have been quite nostalgic about the 25 years I have been living in my town. I have moved once, 11 years ago but we stayed in the same street.

My parents are selling the apartment, it is part of their divorce contract.

At first, it was clear to my mind that I would be moving this summer, in August at the latest, that is what my mom told the agency, it is more convenient for her pension, etc. But, last time we had a visit, one of the real estate agent told her that, right now, it is not the best time to sell an apartment, I mean, this year, France has not been at its best. People do not have money to invest anymore. So, we could only sell the apartment in September or October.

When I heard that, that was a relief because I have been so used to living here, in this town, in the neighborhood, in this apartment that I have trouble picturing me elsewhere, so far. Not that I do not want to move, I want to move on, have my own apartment, etc. But as I do not have a job for the moment, it is difficult to imagine myself paying a rent, buying furniture, etc.

That thought and that fear have evolved lately. The more I come to D.'s apartment, the more I feel good over here. How weird...

He leaves on the complete opposite of Paris, but when I think about it, I feel that it would not bother me so much. My town is only 20min away by car when the traffic is fluid! So I could still keep some habits back there, like go to mt doctors, go to the Commercial Center, visit my mom and her partner, and my friends - who do not live in my town anymore but still on the East side of Paris's suburb. And here, we are very close to Paris with the urban train too.

I do not know if it is the fact to be living in a new place, in a barracks or with a boyfriend that makes it not be so frightening, but I see my future different now.

Not that it will happen for sure. But, D. would not be against that idea, I can see that!

It is also weird because I have not been eager to live with a boyfriend lately, I like my independence and living on my own with my little rabbit. But D. is not home every night and every weekend, so I would still have moments on my own and, as I said, I feel good being here. Anyway, we will see what life brings...

This was my first post live from D.'s place!

Have a nice weekend all.

A lovely unexpectedly Friday at the seaside

It seems I can't find another subject to talk about right now. Mainly because quite a lot has been happening this week but also because there is nothing else that deserved to be talked about lately.

Yesterday, I was supposed to spend the afternoon in Paris with D.

I took the train to his place to have lunch together. Meeting your new boyfriend's apartment for the first time is very important because it gives you lots of information about his personality, his tastes, his habits, etc. I think I have never seen such a nice male apartment! The most important is that, when he arrived, last year, everything had to be done (walls, floor, plumbing...), he lives, like most of his colleagues, in his work's barracks, it is free from rent so why say no. I really like what he has done with the kitchen, very functional, the living room's decoration is simple so far but unisex and imaginative, the bedroom is also simple but very cosy.

After lunch, he asked me:

- "When was the last time you went to the seaside?"

-"hum, last July"

-"well, okay, would you like to go now?"

Few minutes later, we were in the car, heading to Honfleur, near Deauville, on the North-West side of France, 1h30 away from Paris. We ate in a Crêperie next to the port, had a walk near the seaside and took advantage of the hot and sunny afternoon. Unfortunately, at the end of the afternoon, there was a storm so we did not stay longer and went back home.

I had planned to go home in the evening because he is working today from 7am to 7am tomorrow.

He made us dinner - and he knows quite some about cooking too! - and in the evening, he proposed me to stay for the night but I could not unless I had some personal stuff with me and so he proposed to drive home and get back at his place as - at this time of the night - our homes are only 25min away by car. I could also take care of Sisi by the same occasion.

This morning, I left around 9am to go home, I had the vet appointment at 10:30am.

I went and said a little Goodbye to D. and give him his keys. Did you know that you are not supposed to kiss too much (one is already not very welcome) when you are wearing an official/state uniform? Very frustrating! By the way, some men are very good looking with suits and uniforms!

Tomorrow morning, I am driving over there, then we'll see.

Yesterday, he told me something about this registration on the dating site. We could have never met. He registered after a bet with some colleagues (thanks guys!) and was not planning to stay more than a month or two but he forgot to cancel his registration in March, then he left for vacation last month and forgot again, he had plan to cancel it when back to Paris, what a chance he wrote to me before that!


To answer the title of my last post: it may!

Could Prince Charming exist?

Life is so full of surprises!

Sometimes, I wonder why it is so mean with me, as I am still struggling to find a job, Sisi is not feeling worse but her state is stationary, not better...

And then, bam, within few days, someone comes into your life, a part of it totally changes and it unsettles your mind.

Today, my boy is working, he had to get ready around 3:30am to dress with his parade costume to take part to a May 8th - end of WW2 - commemoration in the North of France all day long! Not very exciting to stand still for hours.

So yesterday, we were not supposed to see each other as I had told him I had to work on my job applying and on Wednesdays my mom take the car to stay at her partner's place so I was stuck at home. I am used to do surprises but not receive them, and by the end of the afternoon, I received a call from him telling me that - if I was not too busy - he was at the foot of my building and could come to just have a kiss! He had told me had was going for a walk in Paris, what a liar!

Even if I lost 1h30 or two not applying, I was very glad he had drove to my place! We had a very nice evening and first casual meal together. The evening led to night and he only left around 2am, so he basically did not sleep much at his place, only in the bus that was taking his company to the commemoration. What a brave boy! Earlier, he had told me "that's what happens when you decide to date a young boy* who does not listen".

While talking, we discovered we had other common points and interests (what were the chances we had the same bed! lol). We talked quite much about our respective past love life and he really seems to be a nice person. I know that, in the beginning, we behave like new lovers, send each other bunch of text messages, etc. but what he writes and says is just... so nice and honest!

We are very surprised that we get along so well and feel so good with each other, after only three days (plus a week of virtual getting-to-know-each-other), it seems we have known each other for so much longer! That is the first time that happens to me! And, even if it feels good, it, somehow, feels scary...

There will be more to discover this weekend.


P.S. funny that Prince Charming's outfit looks like his parade costume


* remember, he is two years younger than me

I feel good.

After all, that was not such a bad idea to go back to these dating Web sites and answer his email.

After a very nice Sunday afternoon with D., we planned to see each other again on Monday afternoon as he was off work. I was looking forward to meet again to have confirmation of the positive vibes I was getting.

I arrived 5 min before the appointment time and as I saw him exiting the metro, I felt good! Well, he is a nice person, is good looking, tall and dresses the way I like (for a guy).

We went and saw "Fool's Gold", some romance, comedy and action was a good combination for that day.

For the first time in my life - yes - I did the first move, wow! And was not disappointed about it.

After the movie, we had a drink on a terrace and went to the park next the movie theatre to take advantage of the nice weather. We sat on a bench and spent the rest of the afternoon there, talking and more...

I had planned to leave around 7pm to be home for dinner as my mom was home yesterday evening. We finally left around 8:15pm!

The end of the day was a real shitty mess - a technical problem occurred on our train line (we are on the same line but on opposite sides of Paris, East-West) - and had stopped the traffic, so we had to take alternative metro lines and then, I had to take a special bus that had been set to reach the stations that had not been affected by the breakdown. It took us about 2h to go home instead of 45min! But, strangely, I was kind of relaxed and cool about that mess, whereas in normal conditions, I would have been very angry, because this kind of problems regularly occur in Paris! Really don't see why...

Anyway, today I feel good, have not felt so good in a long time.

After all, small age difference is not such an issue, it really depends on how the person looks and thinks. And he definitely does not behave as a young - in a negative way - man. So far, I have not find any negative points, he seems to be sweet, attentive, mature; ride a moto, is physically attractive and dresses well (and do not tell me it does not count) and has many and various interests. He also has a rabbit at his parent's place, so he knows about and like animals.

The only flaw would be from his work, we does not have a regular Monday-Friday schedule as his work has something to do with the French Republic and the Army. So, he does not always know when he will be off work. As he is back from a week leave, he has to get information about his work schedule, what is not very practical to plan something. Whatever, we will deal with it.

It is just the beginning but I have a good feeling... Time will tell.

23... let's see!...

This weekend was very warm and sunny in France and Paris. I was worried to leave Sisi alone but she seemed okay in her favorite place and I think she didn't move from there the whole afternoon.

On Saturday afternoon, I went for a walk in Paris with a friend (the only guy I met from Meetic, that has always and only been a friend ), had a drink and rested under the sun.

Yesterday afternoon was... interesting! I met a young man I met on Match. Yes, what is it with this site, it seems all the French potential is gathered there only!

I received a nice email few days ago, simple, no poetry , did not want me to answer him right away as some can ask, I read his profile and there was just a snag, he is 23 and my age range is 26-30, because yes, you know, men are mature later than women in general, blah blah blah.

But I liked his profile, he looked nice and... he's a moto rider! So I thought, why not, let's give it a try.

He was in vacation in the South of France last week, so we talked a lot on MSN the whole week and decided to meet yesterday. We had planned to spend the whole afternoon together and as I was waiting for him, I was scared he would not be nice or good looking or boring, who knows. I got there early and D was late (and then we say girls are always late! lol). He sent me at least 3 text messages to tell me he was going to be late, was sorry and would try to make it up.

When he finally arrived, I was surprised because he seemed taller and older than on his profile pics! (he is 6 feet and I am 5.4). He told me he's going to turn 24 on early June, so we will just have one year difference during 3 months. We had a drink and talked about many things, work, moto (that's nice to have someone to talk about this!), family, etc.

I was surprised to see how easy it was to talk to each other, we had barely known each other for a week and only through Internet.

An hour later, we headed for one of the numerous museums of Paris, I had not been to this one for a very long time and I totally discovered it again. It was nice to do that with someone I didn't know but seemed to know quite some things about art. This guy seems to know about and be interested by many various subjects. We stayed till the closure and went and had another drink somewhere.

It was already 7pm and we took the metro back to Paris center where we would take our respective train back home. I didn't really know what to do and I was, for sure, not going to make the first move! We exchanged some words about planing something again soon and said each goodbye.

I was in the train and started to write a text message when I received one from him saying "I also had a nice afternoon...". Later, when I was walking home from the station, I received another one, smiled because I felt it came from him, it was saying "I must have been unsettled by you because I took the wrong train". That was kind of funny and it also gave me some more information about his feelings...

In the evening, we talked again on Internet before going to bed and taking care of little Sisi, from my side. Thursday is a bank holiday in France again, May 8th commemorates the end of WW2. But, he has to work so I thought we would only see each other again next weekend but, he had just been aware he had his Monday off, cool!

So, this afternoon we are going to the movies. He suggested the movies and I asked if he was used to go and watch original version movies and he said he was not used to it but was not against it, another good point!

I am looking forward to this afternoon to see how it will go and if I'm still having positive feelings about "young boy"!

Men are cowards

There, I said it.

I don't like generalities but that's a fact. They don't like to talk, to talk about their feelings, to talk about problems. At least, according to my personal experience.

Not that my love life is an interesting issue but let me give you some explanations.

Guy #3: dated in High School. Sent a friend of his to tell me my boyfriend thought we were not getting along at best.

Guy #6: we met during a summer job in June, he has just broken up with his 3-year relationship girlfriend (I was not aware of the length of it). We dated for about a month before I left for the South of France to work as it was planned. While I was away, he suddenly stopped calling and answering the phone. Later, he explained that he had met again his ex, they had talked a lot and he thought he still had feelings for her. We met once again but we were not alone so we couldn't talk about THE issue. I didn't have news after that for a long time. A friend of his I had also met through this summer job, told me he thought he was back with his ex-girlfriend. Nice! [to follow]

Guy #7: met at Univ., dated for about 3 years and a half. It was not going very well for the last year but we (I?) wanted to make it work, I tried to talk about it because I had the feeling it was going nowhere. He always said "we will talk about it after our final exams, I don't want to mess everything up right now". His favorite answers were "I don't know" and "we'll see about that later". Instead of talking he preferred cheating on me (once or several times). I learnt about it a day after I finally broke up in July 2006, through a friend of his (that is no longer his friend because of that). I didn't want to hear about him for a while. Now, we are just in touch through Facebook but I never talk about my love life because as soon as I dated someone else after him, he called me a slut. Last year, when he suspected I had a new boyfriend, he went all jealous. He can't bear that I've been moving on. Now, he wants us to have a drink someday.

Guy #8: I met him first in 1997, in a Clud Med in Tuscany. We met again 9 years later, in August 2006. He came to Paris, then I came to where he lives in Italy. We dated for as long as we were together. We said that we would try to see each other afterwards, we didn't know how but we would manage about something. About a month later, back home, I wanted to plan a weekend there but he would never answer my emails. When we finally succeeded to talk on Internet, he told me he never promised anything, that his last year of studies was very important and that he preferred to stay single for the moment, that it would be too difficult to deal with a long-distance relationship. He didn't even want to try. Now, we get along as friends and he still regrets it.

Guy #6 - round 2. A year after we had met, I received a text message from him. At first, I didn't want to hear about him but I was dating guy #7 so my feelings were all gone and I didn't fear anything at that time. We stayed in touch after that message. We saw each other twice in two years and a half, it was friendly. In early 2006, when my couple was almost dead, we met and I almost fell for him, he was single, but I was not and was too serious and honest and wanted to make my couple work (what a fool!). Six months later, in summer 2006, I went to spend a week at his place, he has been living in the South of France for few years now, for work. When I planed the trip, I was still dating my boyfriend and he also had a girlfriend (in Paris), so it would be friendly and didn't think about anything else. But, when I arrived I was single and being together brought back memories and we started flirting. As soon as I wanted to talk about it, he said that I had been imagining things (I surely was not according to his attitude), that he still liked me a lot but that he was in love with his girlfriend, ouch! That hurted a lot! We managed however to have a nice end of week. Since then, his girlfriend came to live with him, we didn't have the occasion to meet again but when we talk on Internet, there is still something, some flirting. Lately, he even told me that he had been thinking about how it could have been if he hadn't been such an jerk the first time, etc. Yeah, so wasn't I right about his filrting?

Back to the present time. I didn't talk about it but I began to talk on Internet with a guy I found interesting (from Meetic), we were getting along and I wanted to ask him for a drink someday, virtual talk is okay for some time, but after three weeks of getting to know each other, I wanted to move forward. He has never been back on MSN so far, I can see he's still online on Meetic but no answer to my emails.
Men, if you're not interested, at least have the courtesy and honesty to say you finally don't want to go further, that you met someone else, anything, but talk and explain!!

Men, you're supposed to have balls, but when it comes to feelings, to relationships and future, you seem to have lost them.

My long relationship boyfriend used to say that I had balls, well, indeed I got used to take decisions and initiatives.

A relationship is made of two people, I learnt it and keep saying it to my friends: the best way to solve a problem is to talk.

Silence will never solve anything and being a coward will never lead you to the right decision.

How to Meet(ic) Mr Mystic - Part 2

I went to check my emails on Meetic and Match and one of them caught my attention.

It was short, sweet, well written, seemed sincere and the man on the profile picture also looked nice.

It was saying something like that: "after few months on this Website, I was disappointed and about to cancel my registration but then I found you and you made my day, I'm glad I came through your profile on time and hope to hear from you..."

I answered the day after, we talked on MSN and met the week after for coffee. It went very well, we were both glad and exchanged text messages in the evening. We met the following week for a drink and then he invited me to spent the Sunday afternoon in... Saint-Germain-en-Laye - rings a bell?, what were the chances?... - because he lives near this town. We had a delighted sunny afternoon, hanging around, having a drink on a terrace. He had a dinner in the evening so he drove me back to the train station, as the train was coming and he was already late, we just had the time to exchange few words about seeing each other later when he suddenly leaned towards me and kissed me...

After that, we had a very good month of June, I met some of his friends, spent whole weekends chilling out, had nice moments together and I had to leave for a summer job in early July, for about ten days, in Malta, as a French leader taking care of teenagers during a linguistic trip.

We were both very sad but I would be back soon. I don't know if there is a special air over there, if it was the heat, the fun of the job, the partying I had never done before in my life or meeting bunch of French and Maltese young people but after a few days, I kind of forgot about my boyfriend I had been talking about and was very sad to come back, as other French leaders. Not sad as when you come back from vacation but really sad and wishing so hard I could stay or even leave French to go and live there as I always wanted to move abroad.

When I came back, I gave as an excuse that I was sick, because I felt weird and not able to face my boyfriend yet. I was going to one of my cousin's wedding in the south of France and it let me some time to think about it.

It turns out that we didn't see each other for two months after that. I was still not feeling well, not totally understanding my state myself, I was very depressed because I couldn't find a suitable job and felt useless, I was not happy in my life and needed a way out. I got a ten-day way out but the thing is that it ended too soon and being back to reality was too hard to bear.

I dated nine men in my life (one twice) and if it didn't ended because we had met in holidays or so, I got dumped, taken for a fool and/or cheated on. This is why I have a hard time being confident about a healthy love life and having trust in guys in general.

For the first time, it seemed I had met a very good guy and I let him go, I still don't know why. I happen to think about the reasons I just explained above but I don't know if they are the real reasons...

Was it too perfect that it scared me? Was I too depressed to go on with this nice relationship?

For the first time, I got to be the bitch and no the victim, and it doesn't feel good either, it may be worse.

He and I met again in December for drinks but it wasn't the same, we were just friends.
We met again in January and started dating again... for two weeks.

I think I was just missing being in a relationship but we were not missing each other as lovers, but as friends. The love feelings had gone away. And anyway, something was broken forever. We could not catch up the magic of last June.

I believe in fate and sometimes think that, if this happened, it's just that we were not made to spend more time together. But I hope I'm made to spend some (long) time with someone.

I was so confused, I wanted to stop thinking about dating at all for a while. It's been three months now and I really miss it, being in a couple, especially when all my friends except one are either married/getting married/parents/living with their partner/in a relationship.

I know he has a new girlfriend - we was quite quick on that and it strangely hurt me - but I still have some of my stuff at his I need to go and get. I should do it and move on.

I've been back on Meetic and Match for a little more than a month - my registration was still on so that I would not have to pay to go back there but I had erased all my profile information - but nothing has happened yet. Can't find anybody I would like to meet and who I'm attracted by.

I've been even more difficult in finding a man I like, I don't spend much time on the dating Websites, I use the research stuff once in a while only, I received lots of emails but have not been touched by any of them so far, the whole thing is already annoying me. Let's hope I won't miss the right one, but when?


N.B. dating Websites sometimes bring you nice surprises. I only met one guy from Meetic, last June. We have been getting along well but are not interested in dating each other, so we became friends. We don't see each other a lot because we don't live very close but we have the passion of the moto in common (even if he doens't ride any moto for the moment because of an accident).

How to Meet(ic) Mr Mystic - Part 1

A year ago, April 2007, I finally let my pride and negative opinion aside and decided to join the club of the dating Websites, after a good friend of mine, who has been one of them for a few years now convinced me to at least try.

Let me set the background.

I dated a guy I met at University, from 2003 to 2006. I finally and courageously took the decision to end that relationship that was not making me happy anymore in summer 2006, I had just ended my studies and maybe willing to start fresh.

So after a 8-month single life, I decided it was time to move on and find a nice man who to share (good) moments with. I mean, single life if nice, but you can't live alone, I was beginning to miss the tenderness side (and more...) but also all the nice aspects of a relationship.

As I was not meeting new people at all, I decided to register to two dating Websites : Meetic & Match, as I didn't know how the whole thing worked and there are so many Websites like that now, I wanted to compare them and I was mostly curious than really into the process of virtual meetings.
I was very glad to see that, as a woman, I wouldn't have to pay, I'm not sure I would have let some euros for that stuff.

It was kind of funny to create my profile, harder when it came to the "describe yourself" page! I didn't want to add any picture of me first because I was still, somehow, ashamed of being on this kind of sites but understood later that, most people won't go further unless they can see how you look like, I was the first one to react like that. Aren't we, honestly, first attracted by the physical aspect of a person?! So, it took me a long time to sort "nice looking" pictures of me and then decide which ones I would add to my profile.

At the beginning, I went everyday to check my emails or the "flashes" on Meetic/"winks" on Match I had received.
Sometimes, I had some very LOL moments because, well... there are some pretty not good looking guys on this planet! Some that are really bad at introducing themselves or writing, and some not really smart. Sometimes, according to the main profile pic, you think "hey, not bad!" but then, either the other pictures won't please you at all or digging into the profile categories, you will discover that he smokes (I don't and can't bear cigarette's smoke) or is way too young for you or has a kid (not helping for a new relationship), etc.

I also spent hours using the research engine, you enter different criteria (age, location, details about hair, weight, height, status, kids, salary, occupation, hobbies, interests and more) and will pop up a range of profiles.

I was really eager to meet new people in general so I added many new MSN contacts, it was sometimes difficult to remember who was who, doing what, living where, that I had to make a little list to avoid mistakes! lol

There were some guys I was getting along with well but nothing more and with who I chatted for a few weeks without never going further.

I met 3 guys from Match.

I met the first one for a drink, we chatted, it was nice but I wasn't more interested, we kept on chatting on Internet for a while and I finally ended it up as it was going nowhere.

The second guy is some kind of story. We first met for a drink and got along pretty well, so we decided to meet again the next Sunday and spent the whole afternoon together in Saint Germain-en-Laye I didn't know at that time (West suburb of Paris), the afternoon led to diner back to Paris and he kindly drove me home whereas he was living on the other side of Paris. Nothing happened.

We met the following Tuesday, on May 1st (France Labor day) and spent the afternoon in a park. We met again, the next Saturday for a movie and ended up in a restaurant.
I was getting confused, about my feelings and his. Was he interested in a friendly way or more? And what about me? Had had four nice meetings but nothing more and my friend - the only one that knew about the dating Websites registration - was asking me about what was going on. I finally had a serious (virtual) talk with this guy and he confessed that he liked me very much but had also met another girl through friends of his and liked her too: akward!

He told me he had to make a choice, that he was not comfortable with this situation, so we met again for a movie and dinner but that wasn't like the other times, we both were even more shy. I felt like I was doing a final interview before he would take his decision, so weird. This was Saturday night. On Sunday evening, I received a text message saying something like "I'm sorry, I don't feel we can be together, I chose the other girl...". That was not a fair-play way to say this so I called him and asked for more details, his reasons were like "when we talk, there are so many blanks, we don't get along, we have nothing in common and this girl lives closer to me...". I had heard lots of crap from guys but that one was really good, that was not true at all but he had to find something to say.

I felt terribly betrayed and disappointed and was willing to end that stupid dating Websites stuff right away.

My friend adviced me to forget about him and move one, that there were many better guys out there.

I took a one-week break away from the Websites and that's when guy #3 made his appearance.

[ ... ]

Independence Day

This morning, I chatted with a friend on MSN, asking him if he was coming to a mutual friend's birthday on Saturday, he said he was. Then, I asked him about his girlfriend he has been dating for a few weeks as we don't know anything about her and he said very simply and honestly

- “we’re doing okay. She’s kind. But there is not the little flame on my side. We’ll see”.

- “She’s kind? Okay…”

Then I asked if she was coming to the birthday and he said

- “Oh no. We don’t see each other much on the weekend. We see each other enough during the week. And I like my independence. So the weekend is dedicated to the buddies”

At least, that’s clear! :o)